unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
