it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
