Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
