This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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