hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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