week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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