He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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