I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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