Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
