I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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