Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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