You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
