he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
