i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
