You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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