He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
