the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
