Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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