by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
