Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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