Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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