??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
