the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
