I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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