You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
