he shaved USA in his pubs
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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