I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
