Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
