ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
