ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
