areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
