Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
