I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
