I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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