I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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