Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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