It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
