I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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