everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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