I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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