i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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