even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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