my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
