Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
