I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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