I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
