I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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