Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
