The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
