he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
