No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
