somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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