He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
