I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
